This Week
The feedback you never delivered has probably cost more than the feedback you delivered imperfectly.
You can probably think of someone who would have grown faster if you'd told them something six months ago.
You saw the pattern; you noticed the habit.
You kept waiting for the right moment.
The right moment never arrived.
By the time you finally decide to say something, the conversation feels too big for a Tuesday.
At your level, the problem is carrying feedback that didn’t get shared.
What feels like kindness to you may feel like uncertainty to the other person.
The Pattern
It rarely starts with avoiding hard conversations.
It starts with postponing small ones.
You wait for a calmer week.
🔹 The next 1:1.
🔹 A better mood.
🔹 The performance review.
🔹 The moment when they'll be more receptive.
Meanwhile, the pattern keeps repeating.
Imagine you notice an employee interrupting clients during meetings.
It happens once, then again. You tell you'll mention it next week.
Six months later, that employee is told they're not ready for promotion.
The smallest version of the feedback, delivered closest to the moment, is almost always the kindest version available.
"Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind."
– Brené Brown
The Reframe
You don't need the perfect words. You just need a structure that helps you tell the truth while respecting the person you're speaking to.
Here are four that work particularly well:
Radical Candor (Kim Scott)
Care personally, challenge directly.
Best when the relationship is strong and the truth is overdue.Situation, Behavior, Impact
Describe the situation, what you observed, and the impact it had.Best when you want feedback to sound like an observation without judgement.
COIN
Connect, Observe, Impact, Next steps.Best when the conversation needs to end with a shared decision.
GROW
Goal, Reality, Options, Way forward.
Best when coaching is more valuable than telling, and the person can do most of the thinking with you.
Every feedback model is trying to achieve the same outcome:
Tell the true thing in a way that helps the other person hear it.
Pick the one that feels most like you this week. Then have the conversation.
Open with this:
"There is something I have been meaning to share with you, and I realized waiting any longer would not be fair to you. Can I tell you what I have been noticing?"
That sentence signals you have been thinking about them, removes the surprise factor, and gives them a chance to opt in.
Then say the smallest, truest version of what you have been holding.
The version of you who first noticed the pattern would be relieved you finally said it.
For a Deeper Dive
Worth a Read:
Scott's argument: the most caring thing you can do is tell someone the truth about their work.
Withholding is not kindness. It is ruinous empathy, and it costs the person the growth they came to you for.
Worth reading this weekend if there is a piece of feedback you have been holding and you want a framework for how to deliver it well.
Two tools to take with you:
→ 6 Small Communication Mistakes That Create Big Misunderstandings – Where feedback breaks down between intention and impact. Worth running through before your next conversation that matters.
→ 10 Communication Habits of Leaders People Actually Listen To – Habits that shift whether feedback gets heard or gets defended against.
One final thought
Someone in your world is waiting for a conversation you think you’re protecting them from.
You probably aren’t.
Say the smallest true thing while it can still make the biggest difference.
Want to think it through with me?
If there is a piece of feedback you have been holding and you want to think through how to deliver it well, a free clarity call is available for that.
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Until next time,
